https://lithub.com/how-navigating-the-demands-of-academia-helped-me-cope-with-terrible-loss/
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“The idea for the lecture, that giant gulp of air, included a third element: speaking to my experience of losing Frances.”
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“The original Latin meaning of curriculum vitae led me to imagine writing their history as the course of a life.”
“And so, I turned to letters I began writing her the month after her death.”
“I had no idea of what I might speak about; I was finding it difficult to even be alive when Frances was not.”
“I had long been reluctant to seek out survivors of the cowboy suit tragedy, fearing that I would dredge up a long-past childhood trauma.”
“I also turned to archival research to trace the history of the curriculum vitae.”
“But then, some weeks after saying yes, an idea for the lecture came to me: I would write a braided narrative weaving the cowboy suit tragedy, my experience of loss, and the CV together.”
“Understanding that changed how I thought about law and its claim to finality.”
“The invitation felt confusing.”
“Frances’s death came in the midst of this research and these professional milestones, the sort that scholars would add to their CVs.”
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“______________________________ Writing with Fire: The Cowboy Suit Tragedy and the Course of a Life by Barbara Young Welke is available from University of Chicago Press.”
“The forum mattered too—an association of women historians founded in the moment women challenged their exclusion from and subordination within academia—an audience, in other words, that might be open to a lecture that spoke personally from loss, breaching the closely guarded boundaries between the personal, the professional, and the intellectual.”
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“She died that Friday, April 30, 2010.”
““Why do I have to share sentences with Wilder [her brother]?” she asked.”
“Only with the silencing of Frances’s voice did I understand the importance of survivors having the opportunity to speak for themselves.”
“My hope was that making the vita a subject of historical inquiry might strip some of its power.”
“But when I finally faced writing my remarks, I could not imagine speaking directly to an audience about my experience of losing my daughter.”
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“What I have only understood in finishing the book is that the lecture and then the research and writing became a path back to life, not without Frances, but through and with her.”